If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in London with Chris Corcoran.

 

 

Can a worm ... / Yeah, / ... go upstairs? / 毛虫は二階に上がれるのだろうか？ / ... Text in. ... / リスナーの皆さん、教えてください。 / 8 ... I know c__s ... / 8 10 12 on text. / I know c__s can't ... not c__s ... c__s can't go downstairs, can they? / Daleks can't cope with stairs, although they can these days. That was a bit of a cheat. Sorry, I'm digressing. / No, go on, what's the Dalek thing? / Well, you know, for years, __ was all __ Daleks __ can't go ... / let me just ... uh ... disclaimer, / Huh, / Uh ... I haven't seen Dr. Who since Tom Baker. / ... Huh, right. Wow, this is perfect for you. ... This is a real revelation. / Who is it now? Is it Sylvester McCoy? ... Is he still doing it? / No, there's been loads since. / Right. OK. / Right. So, Daleks in olden days ... in our day ... / Yeah, Daleks in olden days, yeah, / ... going down corridors ... flat ... / Yeah, couldn't get upstairs. They were just ... / そう、ぼくらの時代のダーレクは、廊下や地面をうろつくだけで、二階には上がれなかった / ... land-based robots. / Yeah, land-based robots. / Yeah. Well, anyway, you know, so, the whole joke was, "Ho, he can't go upstairs, he can't go downstairs. ... Hooo, you're safe from Daleks. / やーい、ここまで来れないだろ / Yeah. So, run up ... run up two ... two steps and you're safe from a Dalek / そう、階段を２段くらい登れば、ダーレクの魔の手から逃れることができた / Yeah. __ __ about __ three series ago or four series ago, all of a sudden they've got a little jet-propelled ... uh ... look at ... __ __ __ underneath __ thing / they should move over the time. I mean, Dr. Who these days __ coming __ __ Dalek __ still couldn't go upstairs / ドクター・フーのほかの部分がどんどん進化する中で、ダーレクだけが二階にも上がれないというのでは / absurd / Huh, that's a good point. I haven't thought of that. They've evolved. / Of course they should move on with times. / Yeah, yeah yeah. / Why would a Dalek be stuck in the ... in the 70's or 80's? / Yeah, good point. / Innit? / Good point. / They're intelligent beings, aren't they? Daleks? / Yes. ... Well, they dominate the universe, so __ __ __ / In fact, are they ... / __ __ __ years. / are they still like that thing? Are they still, like, __ __ __ sink plulnger on the front? / They are, yeah. I mean, __ __'ve moved on from __ sink plunger./ 昔は本物のキッチン用シュポシュポだったけど、今は違う / No, no. It takes a while to evolve ... uh ... in ... in form. I mean, humans haven't evolved much / last __ years in form, have we? / そうだろうとも。姿形が変わるほどに進化するには時間がかかるものだ。我々人間がいい例だ。過去 400 年、大して変わってないだろ / No. Good point. / You know. ... Anyway, ... / Anyway, we digress. / what's the point? / go / go upstairs / we have thrown it out as a feature / Oh, I see. I thought __ __ answer is just coming / なーんだ。お前があまりに確信ありげに言うものだから、もう答えが届いたのかと思ったよ。 / I thought that was __ __ result __ __, / No, not yet. / __ little poll / We'll see. / Barack Obama's coming in on it ... he's coming in on it. ... Uh ... so, can they go upstairs? I don't know if worms can go upstairs / Well, we don't know. / I know slinkies can__ go upstairs. / __ __ they __ fly downstairs / トムボーイは階段を降りることはできる / they / s__s can't go downstairs / let's assume a worm can't do that / __ they __ __ __ / I'd love a worm do, like a Slinky, __ __ stairs ... / トムボーイのように / would you / like, head to foot, head to foot, head down, ... / There are caterpillars that move like that / There are catap ...? No, like that / Yeah. / No. / Yeah. Inchworms, they ... they've got ... they've got little feet under their head__ and __ little feet under their back, and they ... they flip over like that / No. / Yeah.  So, if you / little stairs / no / caterpillars / I __ __ ... the front paws / They haven't got paws. / Well, you know what I mean. ... Front feet ... front bit ... / Huh huh, / front bit of caterpillar ... / Yeah, / ... stays on the floor / back bit / so, the front third stays on the floor / no / quarter stays on the floor / 25%, back __ __ stays on the floor, middle 50%, whoooop ! ... goes up in the air __ __ __ / That's what I'm saying. / right / Yeah. And then, what happens is, the front bit that pushes the, sort of, the arch in the middle, pushes the front ... / I'm making all this up, but I think it's true ... it pushes the front bit / __ __ __ / and then ... and then the bit that's in the air pulls the back along like that / how / It doesn't go ... does it? ... it doesn't go ... it isn't flat like a pencil, / Huh huh, / and then just suddenly the whole of the back lifts up __ __ point, and then __ drops / down / front / Here's the thing. Yeah, I think you're probably right __ __ __ move / maybe what I thought / think I am right / __ a party trick. / 宴会芸 / What? By a caterpillar? / Yeah. / What sort of party are you going to? / どういうパーティーだ？

 

Hey, I was in north Wales, uh, last week / Yes? / absolutely ... Do you know how beautiful it is? / Yes? / Stunning. / Yeah. / Have you noticed? / Hmmm / __ 'cause I've gigged __ ... I gigged in __, I gigged in __ / all around there / didn't know that ... / really beautiful / been to ... uh ... I__ been __ __ __ sea __ __ I did __ __ a couple of years ago in Work Experience programme. I__ spent time up there, I __ __ __ ... but I'__ never spent a week up there on holiday, and it is ... __ ... / amazing / Huh. / amazing / Hmm. Crystal-clear waters / It's like south of France or S__ ... / Yeah, / ... or ... It's incredible / crystal-clear waters / freezing more often than / south of France / that's the only thing / 違いはそれだけだ / it was beautiful all week. Stunning / stunning / blue sky in a minute. You wouldn't believe / north Wales / believe any of it / well / been there / Well, anyway, ... uh ... And then / back / when I was up there. I missed it. This is from the ... uh ... yesterday's ... uh ... Sun ... says ... uh ... / Chiefs ... / and I presume it means council chiefs. ... / Huh huh. / Uh ... / Chiefs are imposing a 1,000 pound fine for anyone found pooing in a park ... in a ... in a __ ... in north Wales ... in __ / ... Excuse my French for that. I was just ... uh ... reading ... uh ... __ ... abating what it says here ... So ... / I'm a bit ... I'm a bit __ __ / __ mind-boggles __ __ that __ __ council, having to __ a sign up, saying, "No ... / ... Come on, guys. ... Honestly. ... / I mean, how many people have they found doing that in a ... ? / 今まで何人つかまえたんだろう？ / It must mean it's an issue, and then that ... / It must mean it's an issue / ... Come on, guys. ... / yeah, you just wouldn't __ __ __ sign up __ __ __ for nothing / 「公園で XXX をしているところを見つかった人には罰金を科す」... という看板を立てたんだと。... てことは ... やってる人間がいるのか？ 「いないけど念の為に立てておく」ような警告じゃないだろ。/ 人間は、進化の末、トイレを使うようになったんじゃなかったのか？ / 人々は抗議をしているのかも知れない。もっと公衆便所を作れ、と。作らないならこうしてやる、と。実力行使で。 / would you? ... / Hey / have we not moved on / come on. ... I'll tell you what / from / come on / protest / that's probably what it is. / And people are going, "Right, __ _ __ public toilet __ any more / down / depending on what the issue is / Dirty protest. / mate, __ __ difference / which side / we are on this a__ment / 我々の意見が人々の行動に影響するかもしれない。うかつことは言えない。 / Absolutely. ... Absolutely. If th__ / been / public toilets / this / a protest / against it, I / I'm still against / Yeah. Just write an email / 軽はずみな行動をとる前に、とりあえずメールを書いてほしい。 / Just write an email. Write a strongly-worded letter __ __ __ __ protest with a ... a stick with a banner on top of it, going / toilets / bring our toilets back / we want more toilets / 我々の公衆便所を取り戻せ！ / Yeah. / Don't just do it in a park / No. / huh / yeah / Yeah. / ... Anyway, ... / On another note, I see the ... uh ... see the ... uh ... __ __ last-surviving chimp__ star f__ the PG Tips adverts has passed away / Oh, no / I know.  What is going on? ... Unbelie ... / C__ / it says here / C__, who played Ada in the ads, had been showing signs / heart / failure __ __ put to sleep / I'm amazed __ __ was still alive. / Yeah. But, ... / this ... well, / good __ __ 48 for a chimp / 48 歳というのは、チンパンジーとしては長生きな方だ / good / in ... uh ... chimp years. ... __ __ __ more in chimp years / really old / same / dog / different ... they are different / mate / I know they're different __ only ... only, like, 0.000001 % or something / Yeah. / DNA is 98% __ the same as human, or something / Yeah, I know. ... Is it? / Yeah. / something like that / m__ / Yeah. / Huh. ... Well, __ __'s passed away, anyway. ... / TV partner, __ life-long pal ... / Huh ... / ... blah blah blah / Do you know how they used to make them talk? / チンパンジーにどうやってしゃべらせてたか知ってる？ / much loved / don't get me wrong.  I am not / "Isn't that sad?", I'm lamenting the death of the passing of a chimp__ / Right? I'm not lamenting the passing of ... uh ... adverts / exploite animals / No? / just to be clear / 言っておくが、俺は、チンパンジーが死んだことが悲しいのであって、動物を搾取しているテレビ CM が無くなったことを残念がっているのではない。/ good / something / Do you know? Do you know? / do we wanna know? Do we wanna know, Korkey? / どうやってしゃべらせていたか ... それは、知る必要はないんじゃないか / No. It'd ruin it for all ... all __ __ memories of ... uh ... 70's kids who watched those / huh, look at / chimp / g__m / yeah / that could have been worse, frankly. I mean, I don't ... / I don't know / I'm not condoning rubbing peanut butter on a chimp's g__s, right? __ __ __ / don't try __ at home / Huh, would they? / 'cause my dog / dogs go crazy for __ peanut butter. / Do they? / you gotta watch / peanut butter. My dog ... __ __ honestly, This is no joke ... This is no lie / Huh huh, / __ __ ex__, possibly, / Huh huh, / __ __ __ don't get me wrong. / Huh. / Right? ... It's __ rubbish, but I'm gonna say it anyway / I fed / they get these little toys with __ dogs / you know, that, sort of, mimic__ a bone / toy / dog has to, sort of, work it out / get in there / 骨の形をしたおもちゃに餌を詰め込んで犬にやると、犬は何とか中身を出そうとがんばる / it's quite ... it's quite ... / good / it gets a little treat, right? / Sure. / peanut butter in it / put on ... / dog / put on about a stone in three days / 太る / honestly / I'm not joking. / 顔のまわりにもたっぷり肉がついて、そこから小さな目がのぞく / why / 'cause ... uh ... because that's one of the things people put / those things / really / very salty, isn't it? / No, it's not good for __. __ __ __ bad for __ / but they love it. / Huh. / so, I / stop doing that / good healthy treat for a dog / shall I list the things / Yeah. / surprise you / I'll watch your face / OK / OK / like, a whole carrot / A whole carrot. / You just give __ a whole carrot __ __ eat it? / Not only that / not only that / __ __ rabbit, mate / not only that / my dog waits / supermarket / I come out and give __ a carrot in its mouth / now, usually it holds its carrot / horizontally in __ mouth / Like a newspaper? / Like a newspaper, and / carrying it on for its master? / Carrying / and / and then / we race home / dog / really quickly / Huh. / Sometimes, occasionally, if I get it right, she'll put it in vertical, ... so she runs back with a full-carrot cigar / ... Please tell me __ __ green leaf bits hanging off __ __ end / as well / never / that would be good. I will ... / that__ be funny, yeah / try / take a photo / __'ll take a photo. It's very amusing. ... Uh, anyway, I can't remember what __ __ we were talking about / We were talking about / dogs / list the things / dogs like / Oh yeah. My dog likes ... carrots / done that one / judge / OK / get this: b__s / No. / r__s ... strawberries ... / No. / banana / Mate, you haven't ... That's not a dog / banana / What have you got? / red pepper ... __ loves __ red pepper. / Mate, you've got a g__ p__. / Huh? / ... Is that what it is? / Yeah. / __ __ feed __ / feed it / they need dog food. ... Is that right, though? / Yeah. / __ __ / Amazing, innit?

I found a little thing in the paper ... in __ Sun today, / Police __ trying to find a missing a__ s__ __ have announced a 500-pound reward / Huh. / I just thought, you can't find / comp__ / come on, guys / Well, it depends on how much / put that much resources to it, have they? / thought of that / I imagine they ... / road blocks up and stuff / road blocks and m__s and ... / K__ Cops / We know you're in there. / ... Uh, anyway, a light-hearted gamble through the newspapers we're having / light-hearted / let me have a look. I've got some light-hearted stuff / d__s eat their meals ... / Now then. Here we go. Yes Or No / __ __ __ / Yes Or No On The Spot, Health Minister / Oh, hang on.  That __ __ a different game / yeah / yes or no on the spot, Health Minister / rule / yes / that's the end of the feature. Uh ... / restaurant which allows / completely naked / set up to open in ... uh ... summer in London / 裸で食事をしてもいいレストランがロンドンにオープンした / ... No. / You are the Heath Minister / do you allow it or not / that's that. ... __ __ kind __ worthy __ more chat / this. I feel like / something __ there. / Yeah, I know. Sometimes ... sometimes / talk about it / Huh, OK. / OK. You resign. / OK. I resign. / Right. ... What ... what do you make of this? / Oh / __ __, Korkey / go on / what / tell me about it / restaurant / completely butt-naked / That's pretty weird. / completely butt-naked / What's on the menu? / Uh ... I don't know. It's ... it says ... uh ... / the restaurant __ __ entirely natural eating experience / pretty unnatural / quite unnatural / do you eat __ naked at home? / ... No. / ... on your own __ with the curtains closed / well, not consciously. I would imagine / vast majority / you're not a naked d__r, / No. / ... are you? / No. / __ __ __ __ __ __ always __ kept something on, even if __ __ just a sock / even __ __ just a hat / Yeah.  We've never shared food ... uh ... wearing / anything else / either you're a nudist or / それをしたいという人は、ヌーディストか、あるいは / I / pretty odd, really. ... There's nothing wrong with it / go for it / do you have to turn up, get undressed / w__ / take your clothes / weird / I / feel / I / just / hang / mean / clothes / I don't know. Do you arrive naked? / to have a shower / all your clothes / door / thinking / 受付で脱いで預けるのかな / 最初から裸で来るんじゃないか / street / take / five minutes / all your clothes / wrong day __ __ wrong booking / didn't have a table / worried / would you? / Oh yeah, absolutely. / paper sheet down / towel / 誰かが裸で座った椅子に座るってのも ... / I think __ __ bad idea / I think so as well. / 裸で来て、満席だったらどうするんだ？

 

This is interesting / text from / 8 10 12 / get involved / I saw a restaurant in L__ ... / This is interesting. ... I said that twice now / I know / point already / restaurant / I've never seen / where / all the food is free / Huh huh, / but they charge 8 pence a minute to be in there / isn't that interesting? / ... Right. / interesting idea / what do you make of that? / / trying to work it all out / too much / business plan, __ strikes me / that could be ... uh ... __ __ difficulty. / ... Go on. / ... Well, I __ just __ __ student days / pizza place / just / literally / eat / I don't know ... 15 to 30 seconds __ __ __ / be out / ... You can't eat / pizza / a minute / one minute / you could ... you could do a pizza in a minute. / ... All right. After / one minute / all right / today / pizza place / not nice one / yeah / you buying / how much would that be then, / in a minute / it's not great ... I mean, / it's not a pleasant environment, is it, this? / people __ing pizzas to their faces as fast as they can / one minute / Exactly. / who's the target market here? / I don't know. ... 8p __ __ how much would that be, then? / what's that? ... 4 / pound / minute / sorry, of course it is, yeah, yeah. / pizza / for an hour / that's what / mind you, it takes / 15 minutes to cook / ちなみに、焼くのに 15 分かかるけどな / 4.80 / Yeah. It takes / is this the thing / go in / have a drink / sit down / sofa for, like, 20 minutes / and then / Huh, yeah / table / quite ready / can you / comes up like / あれかな、入ってもすぐにピザは出てこなくて、今焼いておりますとか何とか言われて時間がどんどん経ってしまうという作戦かな / S__ S__ from / watched that last night / Youtube / ... Yeah / uh / we / talking about / talking about / in that sketch / not even in it / straight person. She / just / feeding lines __ J__ W__ / all the punchline__ / she was a true genius / a true ... / very g__s / what / achievement / comedies were so dominated by men / TV series after TV series / some of the sketches / right there / best / I agree / hear hear / hear hear / hear / rest in peace / Anyway, this restaurant / interesting, innit, though? / interesting idea / I used to go __ __ __ when I __ __ down there / sell / weight / actually, scratch that / in France. I used to go / clothes by weight / we / podcaset / France / sell clothes / by weight / bag of clothes, please / give you / like / uh / by ... by weight / all sorts of things / mystery / 袋には何が入っているのかわからないの？ / no, no / pick something up / take it to the t__/weighing area, / Right, / 昔はよく、服を量り売りしていたものだよ / scales / lady / weigh it for you, and / this is / you know, / you'd go / OK / here we are / here's my ... uh ... / yeah / you / better / I don't know / second-hand shop / like ... you know / cheap / __ __ __ / cheap / I liked it. __ __ / Huh. / so, there we go

 

 

Look, it says here / top 50 British traits / revealed / apparently / top ... uh ... 20 British / oh god / 50 / a bit a lot, innit? / do the top ten / British / just / some / randomly / see how British you are / quiz / yeah / 50 of them / but / top / just ignore the 40 / ignore anything / pick some / draw a line underneath "10" / I / ask / 50 / top 10 / such a difficult __ / do / pick the first 10 / Well, yeah / aren't they? / rubbish / first / list / time / got / mean / plenty of time to pick / good ones / watch this / eating / pick that out.  That was a random select / out / random / select / Oh my word.  What is wrong with you today? / processing / Cardiff / today / you need to / get up / later / come in late / plan / be / I'd rather / you / like this / don't turn up / good / I'm gonna decide / British / after this. ... So / when in C__, do you eat / when / time of day / do you eat __ pasty / Oh, do I ... p__ ... Yes. / get it / quiz __ __ __ into it more / quiz / britishness test / terrorist or something / send / back / with it / pasty / tedious / enough of him / level with you / in C__ / Union J__ __ __ / Do you eat pasty / visit / am I right? / gonna see / how British you are / answer / is there? / right answer / an answer / compare / if you / them / done / I got it / or not / so far, you are / Tick. / do you go to / p__ __ Christmas? / yeah / used to / if it's yes or no, yes. / complicated / yes / just put "Yes" / but ... only recently / ok / that is more accurate / 100% / down / 95% / fine / fairly European anyway / 別にいいよ。僕は自分で、イギリス人というよりはヨーロッパ人だと思ってるから。 / though / summer's day / last / would / generally / would you say / catch / bothered / not really / early __ / on about / yes / obviously / stay out / get / trying to e__ out / enjoy / got / chinese / different / good / 80% British now / OK / first / hint / out / very / British / no, 'cause I live ... I live in a flat / so / it's not an option / have / no, but / supposed / garden / road / garden / see / flat / shopping / can't / flat / I'm afraid / be bothered / somewhere / else / garden / beach / day / trouble / taking / I suppose / I'm afraid we / live / flat, son / go to your room / "No" is the answer / kids / 70% British / OK / Uh ... / Do you play / not since I was ten / yes / trick / through / here he is, officer / we__ got him / おまわりさん、見事こいつに、誘導尋問で吐かせました / player / brought / when I was a kid / did you / man / no / didn't / mate / fell apart / no / yeah / christmas / what / what / what / you know / play / more / like / you / beaten / I know what that means / defeated / other / know / undefeated 360 / fights / that / fights / Correct. / What's / Nobody / everyone called / nobody / nobody / well, not in Carmarthen, clearly / I've never heard / text / what / something / about / I don't know / I think / got it wrong / remember / re-mould my childhood memories / so, you / feature / in the playground / British thing / % / British / yes / back up / from plastic containers / do you / 80% British. / Yeah / I / necessarily / uh ... do you do DIY / bank / no / 70 / do you / % / do you have a strong opinion / milk / hot / vice versa / M__ __ dancing / no / are you obsessed with traffic? / No. / do you / this is interesting / keep / all times / results are in / What am I? / British / Wow.

 

 

whole / live on Saturday mornings / BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.

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